I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
