My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
