Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
