singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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