we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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