the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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