I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
