Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
