I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
