I am full of burrito and curiosity
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
