if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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