Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
