the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
