I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
