Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize