I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
