I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
