This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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