This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
