overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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