i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
