I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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