if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Let's paint friendship bongs
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
