drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
