I wish my penis had an off switch
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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