You made me cry and you don't even care
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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