my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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