I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
