I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
