she smelled like a LAN party
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
