Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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