she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
