All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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