I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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