wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
