The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
