I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She is in my trunk
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
