I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
