peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
