Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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