he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
