he told me I talked like a deaf person
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
All I want is dick and wine.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Will exercising make me less horny?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
