It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
