so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
