she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
