I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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