Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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