a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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