i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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