Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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