One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
