yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
