i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
