I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
