I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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