I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Drunk is not a location!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize