that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
