Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sext me about skeletons
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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