there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
