Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
