I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My vagina is officially offended.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
