My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I could fuck to npr.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
