Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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